Sid's Blog

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

XP REPAIR INSTALL

1. Boot the computer using the XP CD. You may need to change the

boot order in the system BIOS. Check your system documentation

for steps to access the BIOS and change the boot order.

2. When you see the "Welcome To Setup" screen, you will see the

options below This portion of the Setup program prepares Microsoft

Windows XP to run on your computer:

To setup Windows XP now, press ENTER.

To repair a Windows XP installation using Recovery Console, press R.

To quit Setup without installing Windows XP, press F3.

3. Press Enter to start the Windows Setup.

do not choose "To repair a Windows XP installation using the

Recovery Console, press R", (you do not want to load Recovery

Console). I repeat, do not choose "To repair a Windows XP

installation using the Recovery Console, press R".

4. Accept the License Agreement and Windows will search for existing

Windows installations.

5. Select the XP installation you want to repair from the list and

press R to start the repair. If Repair is not one of the options,

read this Warning!!

6. Setup will copy the necessary files to the hard drive and reboot.

Do not press any key to boot from CD when the message appears.

Setup will continue as if it were doing a clean install, but your

applications and settings will remain intact.

Blaster worm warning: Do not immediately activate over the internet

when asked, enable the XP firewall

[ http://support.microsoft.com/?kbid=283673 ]

before connecting to the internet. You can activate after the

firewall is enabled. Control Panel - Network Connections. Right click

the connection you use, Properties, and there is a check box on the

Advanced [ http://michaelstevenstech.com/xpfirewall1.jpg ] page.

7. Reapply updates or service packs applied since initial Windows XP

installation. Please note that a Repair Install from the Original

install XP CD will remove SP1/SP2 and service packs will need to be

reapplied.

Service Pack 2

http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/details.aspx?FamilyId=049C9DBE-3B8E-

4F30-8245-9E368D3CDB5A&displaylang=en

An option I highly recommend is creating a Slipstreamed XP CD with SP2.

Slipstreaming Windows XP with Service Pack 2 (SP2)

http://www.winsupersite.com/showcase/windowsxp_sp2_slipstream.asp

______________________________________________________________________

Warning!!

If the option to Repair Install is not available and you continue

with the install;you will delete your Windows folder and Documents

and Settings folder. All applications that place keys in the registry

will need to be re-installed. You should exit setup if the repair

option is not available and consider other options.

Try the link below if the repair option is not available.

Windows XP Crashed?

http://www.digitalwebcast.com/2002/03_mar/tutorials/cw_boot_toot.htm

Here's Help.

A salvage mission into the depths of Windows XP, explained by a

non-geek

by Charlie White

http://www.digitalwebcast.com/2002/03_mar/tutorials/cw_boot_toot.htm

Win XP Tweaks

-----------

STARTUP

-----------

Windows Prefetcher

******************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ Session Manager \ Memory Management \ PrefetchParameters]

Under this key there is a setting called EnablePrefetcher, the default setting of which is 3. Increasing this number to 5 gives the prefetcher system more system resources to prefetch application data for faster load times. Depending on the number of boot processes you run on your computer, you may get benefits from settings up to 9. However, I do not have any substantive research data on settings above 5 so I cannot verify the benefits of a higher setting. This setting also may effect the loading times of your most frequently launched applications. This setting will not take effect until after you reboot your system.

Master File Table Zone Reservation

**********************************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ FileSystem]

Under this key there is a setting called NtfsMftZoneReservation, the default setting of which is 1. The range of this value is from 1 to 4. The default setting reserves one-eighth of the volume for the MFT. A setting of 2 reserves one-quarter of the volume for the MFT. A setting of 3 for NtfsMftZoneReservation reserves three-eighths of the volume for the MFT and setting it to 4 reserves half of the volume for the MFT. Most users will never exceed one-quarter of the volume. I recommend a setting of 2 for most users. This allows for a "moderate number of files" commensurate with the number of small files included in most computer games and applications. Reboot after applying this tweak.

Optimize Boot Files

*******************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Dfrg \ BootOptimizeFunction]

Under this key is a text value named Enable. A value of Y for this setting enables the boot files defragmenter. This setting defragments the boot files and may move the boot files to the beginning (fastest) part of the partition, but that last statement is unverified. Reboot after applying this tweak.

Optimizing Startup Programs [msconfig]

**************************************

MSConfig, similar to the application included in Win9x of the same name, allows the user to fine tune the applications that are launched at startup without forcing the user to delve deep into the registry. To disable some of the applications launched, load msconfig.exe from the run command line, and go to the Startup tab. From there, un-ticking the checkbox next to a startup item will stop it from launching. There are a few application that you will never want to disable (ctfmon comes to mind), but for the most part the best settings vary greatly from system to system.

As a good rule of thumb, though, it is unlikely that you will want to disable anything in the Windows directory (unless it's a third-party program that was incorrectly installed into the Windows directory), nor will you want to disable anything directly relating to your system hardware. The only exception to this is when you are dealing with software, which does not give you any added benefits (some OEM dealers load your system up with software you do not need). The nice part of msconfig is that it does not delete any of the settings, it simply disables them, and so you can go back and restart a startup application if you find that you need it. This optimization won't take effect until after a reboot.

Bootvis Application

*******************

The program was designed by Microsoft to enable Windows XP to cold boot in 30 seconds, return from hibernation in 20 seconds, and return from standby in 10 seconds. Bootvis has two extremely useful features. First, it can be used to optimize the boot process on your computer automatically. Second, it can be used to analyze the boot process for specific subsystems that are having difficulty loading. The first process specifically targets the prefetching subsystem, as well as the layout of boot files on the disk. When both of these systems are optimized, it can result in a significant reduction in the time it takes for the computer to boot.

Before attempting to use Bootvis to analyze or optimize the boot performance of your system, make sure that the task scheduler service has been enabled – the program requires the service to run properly. Also, close all open programs as well – using the software requires a reboot.

To use the software to optimize your system startup, first start with a full analysis of a fresh boot. Start Bootvis, go to the Tools menu, and select next boot. Set the Trace Repetition Settings to 2 repetitions, Start at 1, and Reboot automatically. Then set the trace into motion. The system will fully reboot twice, and then reopen bootvis and open the second trace file (should have _2 in the name). Analyze the graphs and make any changes that you think are necessary (this is a great tool for determining which startup programs you want to kill using msconfig). Once you have made your optimizations go to the Trace menu, and select the Optimize System item. This will cause the system to reboot and will then make some changes to the file structure on the hard drive (this includes a defragmentation of boot files and a shifting of their location to the fastest portion of the hard disk, as well as some other optimizations). After this is done, once again run a Trace analysis as above, except change the starting number to 3. Once the system has rebooted both times, compare the charts from the second trace to the charts for the fourth trace to show you the time improvement of the system's boot up.

The standard defragmenter included with Windows XP will not undo the boot optimizations performed by this application.

-----------------------------------

General Performance Tweaks

-----------------------------------

IRQ Priority Tweak

******************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ System \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ PriorityControl]

You will need to create a new DWORD: IRQ#Priority (where # is the number of the IRQ you want to prioritize) and give it a setting of 1. This setting gives the requisite IRQ channel priority over the other IRQs on a software level. This can be extremely important for functions and hardware subsystems that need real-time access to other parts of the system. There are several different subsystems that might benefit from this tweak. Generally, I recommend giving either the System CMOS or the video card priority. The System CMOS generally has an IRQ setting of 8, and giving it priority enhances the I/O performance of the system. Giving priority to the video card can increase frame rates and make AGP more effective.

You can give several IRQs priority, but I am not entirely certain how the system interacts when several IRQs are given priority – it may cause random instabilities in the system, although it is more likely that there's a parsing system built into Windows XP to handle such an occurrence. Either way, I would not recommend it.

QoS tweak

*********

QoS (Quality of Service) is a networking subsystem which is supposed to insure that the network runs properly. The problem with the system is that it eats up 20% of the total bandwidth of any networking service on the computer (including your internet connection). If you are running XP Professional, you can disable the bandwidth quota reserved for the system using the Group Policy Editor [gpedit.msc].

You can run the group policy editor from the Run command line. To find the setting, expand "Local Computer Policy" and go to "Administrative Templates" under "Computer Configuration." Then find the "Network" branch and select "QoS Packet Scheduler." In the right hand box, double click on the "Limit Reservable Bandwidth." From within the Settings tab, enable the setting and then go into the "Bandwidth Limit %" and set it to 0%. The reason for this is that if you disable this setting, the computer defaults to 20%. This is true even when you aren't using QoS.

Free Idle Tasks Tweak

*********************

This tweak will free up processing time from any idle processes and allow it to be used by the foreground application. It is useful particularly if you are running a game or other 3D application. Create a new shortcut to "Rundll32.exe advapi32.dll,ProcessIdleTasks" and place it on your desktop. Double-click on it anytime you need all of your processing power, before opening the application.

Windows Indexing Services

Windows Indexing Services creates a searchable database that makes system searches for words and files progress much faster – however, it takes an enormous amount of hard drive space as well as a significant amount of extra CPU cycles to maintain the system. Most users will want to disable this service to release the resources for use by the system. To turn off indexing, open My Computer and right click on the drive on which you wish to disable the Indexing Service. Enter the drive's properties and under the general tab, untick the box for "Allow the Indexing Service to index this disk for fast file searching."

Priority Tweak

**************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ PriorityControl]

This setting effectively runs each instance of an application in its own process for significantly faster application performance and greater stability. This is extremely useful for users with stability problems, as it can isolate specific instances of a program so as not to bring down the entire application. And, it is particularly useful for users of Internet Explorer, for if a rogue web page crashes your browser window, it does not bring the other browser windows down with it. It has a similar effect on any software package where multiple instances might be running at once, such as Microsoft Word. The only problem is that this takes up significantly more memory, because such instances of a program cannot share information that is in active memory (many DLLs and such will have to be loaded into memory multiple times). Because of this, it is not recommended for anyone with less than 512 MB of RAM, unless they are running beta software (or have some other reason for needing the added stability).

There are two parts to this tweak. First is to optimize XP's priority control for the processes. Browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ PriorityControl and set the "Win32PrioritySeparation" DWORD to 38. Next, go into My Computer and under Tools, open the Folder Options menu. Select the View tab and check the "Launch folder windows in separate process" box. This setting actually forces each window into its own memory tread and gives it a separate process priority.

Powertweak application

**********************

xxx.powertweak.com

Powertweak is an application, which acts much like a driver for our chipsets. It optimizes the communication between the chipset and the CPU, and unlocks several "hidden" features of the chipset that can increase the speed of the system. Specifically, it tweaks the internal registers of the chipset and processor that the BIOS does not for better communication performance between subsystems. Supported CPUs and chipsets can see a significant increase in I/O bandwidth, increasing the speed of the entire system. Currently the application supports most popular CPUs and chipsets, although you will need to check the website for your specific processor/chipset combo – the programmer is working on integrating even more chipsets and CPUs into the software.

Offload Network Task Processing onto the Network Card

*****************************************************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Services \ Tcpip \ Parameters]

Many newer network cards have the ability of taking some of the network processing load off of the processor and performing it right on the card (much like Hardware T&L on most new video cards). This can significantly lower the CPU processes needed to maintain a network connection, freeing up that processor time for other tasks. This does not work on all cards, and it can cause network connectivity problems on systems where the service is enabled but unsupported, so please check with your NIC manufacturer prior to enabling this tweak. Find the DWORD "DisableTaskOffload" and set the value to 0 (the default value is 1). If the key is not already available, create it.

Force XP to Unload DLLs

***********************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer]

"AlwaysUnloadDLL"=dword:00000001

XP has a bad habit of keeping dynamic link libraries that are no longer in use resident in memory. Not only do the DLLs use up precious memory space, but they also tend to cause stability problems in some systems. To force XP to unload any DLLs in memory when the application that called them is no longer in memory, browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer and find the DWORD "AlwaysUnloadDLL". You may need to create this key. Set the value to 1 to force the operating system to unload DLLs.

Give 16-bit apps their own separate processes

*********************************************

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ WOW]

"DefaultSeparateVDM"="Yes"

By default, Windows XP will only open one 16-bit process and cram all 16-bit apps running on the system at a given time into that process. This simulates how MS-DOS based systems viewed systems and is necessary for some older applications that run together and share resources. However, most 16-bit applications work perfectly well by themselves and would benefit from the added performance and stability of their own dedicated resources. To force Windows XP to give each 16-bit application it's own resources, browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ WOW and find the String "DefaultSeparateVDM". If it is not there, you may need to create it. Set the value of this to Yes to give each 16-bit application its own process, and No to have the 16-bit application all run in the same memory space.

Disable User Tracking

*********************

[HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Policies \ Explorer]

"NoInstrumentation"=dword:00000001

The user tracking system built into Windows XP is useless to 99% of users (there are very few uses for the information collected other than for a very nosy system admin), and it uses up precious resources to boot, so it makes sense to disable this "feature" of Windows XP. To do so, browse to HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Policies \ Explorer and find the DWORD "NoInstrumentation". You may need to create this key if it is not there. The default setting is 0, but setting it to 1 will disable most of the user tracking features of the system.

Thumbnail Cache

***************

[HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer \ Advanced]

"DisableThumbnailCache"=dword:00000001

Windows XP has a neat feature for graphic and video files that creates a "thumbnail" of the image or first frame of the video and makes it into an oversized icon for the file. There are two ways that Explorer can do this, it can create them fresh each time you access the folder or it can load them from a thumbnail cache. The thumbnail caches on systems with a large number of image and video files can become staggeringly large. To disable the Thumbnail Cache, browse to HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer \ Advanced and find the DWORD "DisableThumbnailCache". You may need to create this key. A setting of 1 is recommended for systems where the number of graphic and video files is large, and a setting of 0 is recommended for systems not concerned about hard drive space, as loading the files from the cache is significantly quicker than creating them from scratch each time a folder is accessed.

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http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

127

Mastering access 95 development

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

128

Microsoft access 97 quick reference

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

129

Microsoft access 97 quick reference

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

130

Microsoft backoffice 2 unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

131

Microsoft excel 97 quick reference

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

132

Microsoft excel 97 quick reference

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

133

Microsoft exchange server survival guide

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

134

Microsoft frontpage unleashed

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

135

Microsoft word 97 quick reference

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

136

Microsoft word 97 quick reference

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

137

Microsoft works 4.5 6-In-1

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

138

More than 100 full-text e-books

http://www.allfreetech.com/EBookCategory.asp

139

Ms backoffice administrator's survival guide

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

140

Ms backoffice unleashed

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

141

Mysql and msql

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

142

Netscape plug-ins developer's kit

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

143

Official gamelan java directory

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

144

Oracle built-in packages

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

145

Oracle PL/SQL built-in pocket reference

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

146

Oracle PL/SQL language pocket reference

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

147

Oracle PL/SQL programming guide to Oracle 8 features

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

148

Oracle PL/SQL programming, 2nd.ed.

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

149

Oracle unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

150

Oracle unleashed

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

151

Oracle web applications PL/SQL developer's introduction

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

152

Patterns of enterprise application architecture/Fowler, Martin

http://www.awprofessional.com/catalog/product.asp?product_id={574D77DF-6ED2-BC5-A6A8-02E59CA7482D}

153

PC week : the intranet advantage

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

154

Perl 5 by example

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

155

Perl 5 quick reference

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

156

Perl 5 unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

157

Perl 5.0 CGI web pages

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

158

Perl cookbook

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

159

Perl for system administration

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

160

Perl in a nutshell

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

161

Perl quick reference

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

162

Peter norton's complete guide to windows NT 4 workstations

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

163

Presenting activex

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

164

Presenting activex

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

165

Presenting javabeans

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

166

Presenting javabeans

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

167

Programming perl

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

168

Programming perl, 3rd.ed.

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

169

Programming the Perl DBI

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

170

Red hat linux unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

171

Running a perfect intranet

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

172

Running Linux, 3rd.ed.

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

173

Sams teach yourself java 1.1 in 24 hours/

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Java_1.1_Programming_in_24_Hours

174

Sams Teach yourself java in 21 days/Lemay, Laura

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Java_in_21_Days/

175

Sams teach yourself linux in 24 hours/Ball, Bill

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Linux_in_24%20Hours/

176

Sams teach yourself shell programming in 24 hours

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Shell_Programming_in_24_Hours/

177

Sams teach yourself TCP/IP in 14 days

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_TCP-IP_in_14_Days(SE)/

178

Sed and awk

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

179

Sendmail

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

180

Sendmail desktop reference

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

181

Slackware linux unleashed

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

182

Special edition using java, 2nd.ed.

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

183

Special edition using _javascript

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

184

Special edition using _javascript

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

185

Special edition using _Jscript

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

186

Special edition using lotus notes and domino 4.5

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

187

Special edition using Microsoft SQL server 6.5, 2nd.ed.

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

188

Special edition using Microsoft visual Interdev

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

189

Special edition using perl 5 for web programming

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

190

Special edition using perl for web programming

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

191

Special edition using Visual Basic 4

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

192

TCP/IP

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

193

Teach yourself activex programming in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

194

Teach yourself C++ in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

195

Teach yourself C++ in 21 days

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

196

Teach yourself CGI programming with Perl 5 in a week

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

197

Teach yourself database programming with VB5 in 21 days, 2nd.ed.

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

198

Teach yourself database programming with visual basic 5 in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

199

Teach yourself HTML 3.2 in 24 hours

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

200

Teach yourself HTML 3.2 in 24 hours

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

201

Teach yourself internet game programming with java in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

202

Teach yourself java 1.1 programming in 24 hours

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

203

Teach yourself jave in café in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.tm

204

Teach yourself Microsoft visual Interdev in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

205

Teach yourself Microsoft visual Interdev in 21 days

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

206

Teach yourself oracle 8 in 21 days

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

207

Teach yourself perl 5 in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

208

Teach yourself perl 5 in 21 days, 2nd.ed.

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

209

Teach yourself SQL in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

210

Teach yourself SQL in 21 days, 2nd.ed.

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

211

Teach yourself TCP/IP in 14 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

212

Teach yourself TCP/IP in 14 days, 2nd.ed.

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

213

Teach yourself the Internet in 24 hours

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

214

Teach yourself the internet in 24 hours

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

215

Teach yourself _VBScript in 21 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

216

Teach yourself _VBScript in 21 days

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

217

Teach yourself visual basic 5 in 24 hours

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

218

Teach yourself Visual Basic 5 in 24 hours

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

219

Teach yourself Visual J++ in 21 days

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

220

Teach yourself web publishing with HTML 3.2 in 14 days

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

221

Teach yourself web publishing with HTML in 14 days

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

222

Thinking in C++

http://www.mindview.net/Books

223

Thinking in C++/Eckel, Bruce - Vol.I, 2nd.ed.

www.oopweb.com

224

Thinking in C++/Eckel, Bruce - Vol.II, 2nd.ed.

www.oopweb.com

225

Thinking in Enterprise Java

http://www.mindview.net/Books

226

Thinking in Java, 2nd.ed.

www.oopweb.com

227

Thinking in Java, 3rd.ed. (pdf)

http://www.mindview.net/Books

228

Tricks of the internet gurus

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

229

Tricks of the java programming gurus

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

230

Unix and internet security

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

231

Unix hints and hacks/Waingrow, Kirk

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Hints_&_Hacks/19270001..htm

232

Unix in a nutshell

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

233

Unix kornshell quick reference

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/shell/Unix_KornShell_Quick_Reference/kornShell.html

234

Unix power tools

http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

235

Unix shell guide

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/shell/The_UNIX_Shell_Guide/

236

Unix unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

237

Unix unleashed

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

238

Unix unleashed Internet Ed./Burk, Robin

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Unleashed(Internet_Edition)/fm.htm

239

Unix unleashed, System administrator's Edition

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Unleashed_System_Administrator's_Edition/toc.htm

240

Unix Unleashed/Sams Publication

http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Unleashed/

241

Upgrading PCs illustrated

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

242

Using windows NT workstation 4.0

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

243

_VBScript unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

244

_Vbscript unleashed

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

245

Visual basic 4 in 12 easy lessons

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

246

Visual basic 4 unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

247

Visual Basic 5 night school

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

248

Visual basic programming in 12 easy lessons

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

249

Visual Basic programming in 12 easy lessons

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

250

Visual C++ 4 unleashed

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

251

Visual C++ programming in 12 easy lessons

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

252

Web database developer's guide with visual basic 5

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

253

Web database developer's guide with visual basic 5

http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

254

Web programming desktop reference 6-in-1

http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

Airplane Pilot

A plane takes off from New York's Kennedy Airport. After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.

'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293,' he says. 'The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and - OH MY GOD!'

The intercom falls silent.

A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom. 'I'm so sorry for scaring you all earlier,' he says.

'But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

'That's nothing,' a passenger in coach shouted. 'You should see the back of mine!'

QUOTES FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock
bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but
more of a definitely won't be.
4. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
like a rat in a trap.
6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to
change whichever foot was previously in there.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot.
9. This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts,
the better.

Little Johnny Jokes

"I'm afraid I'll never see you in heaven, Johnny," the Sunday School teacher

said to her most mischievous child.

"Why," questioned Johnny, "What have you been doing wrong?"

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about

things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked

his mother.

"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up

with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, "So why do you have

so much hair?"

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.

He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."

Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

"I'm ashamed of you," Little Johnny's mother said. "Fighting with your best

friend is a terrible thing to do."

"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."

"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."

"What good would that have done?" Little Johnny replied, "My aim is much

better than yours."

"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please

do my homework for me?"

Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "At least you could try."

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to

go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "Because people are sleeping!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. And on this day, the teacher

asked the class where they thought God lived. One little girl raised her

hand, and the teacher called upon her. "I think God lives in the sky,

because that is where heaven is." the girl replied. "That's good!" said the

teacher.

Another little boy raised his hand, and the teacher called on him. "And

where do you think God lives?" she asked. Very piously, the boy answered

"God lives in each of our hearts!"

"That's VERY good," she smiled.

When she asked a third time, Little Johnny was the only one who raised his

hand. Quietly dreading his answer, the teacher asked, "And where do you

think God lives, Johnny?" "In the bathroom." he said. "In the bathroom?" she

asked, puzzled yet unable to stop herself.

"Yes, because every morning my father beats on the bathroom door and screams

'GOD, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?' "

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home

and think of a story and then infer the moral of that story. The following

day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Johnny comes home from his first day at school. His mother asks,

"Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

As most young and weak kids are, Little Johnny was picked on constantly by

the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, they beat him up and just

downright made his life miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a

way to get back at these bullies and when he found out what would get them

back, he went all out.

He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought

out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then,

making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds

and started popping them in his mouth as obvious to the rest of the kids as

possible making yum yum noises.

The bully without asking snatched the jar from Little Johnny's hand and

asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?"

"Well, they're smart pills."

"Smart pills?" the bully asked. Then opened the jar and popped a couple of

the foreign brown balls in his mouth. "Pweeuuweppblahhh!!" he reacted. "What

is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit poop!!"

"See, you're getting smarter already."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something

exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the

little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a

time.

She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could

be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came...Little Johnny walked up to

the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on

the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out

what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked

him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnny.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know," said Johnny, "But this morning, my sister said she

missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door

shot himself."

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the

animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'"

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and

saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Again, that was good, Sally, but I wanted the word

'fascinate.'"

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was

noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could

vulgarize the word "fascinate" so she called on him.

Johnny stood by the side of his desk and said with a smile, "My sister has a

sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big, she can only fasten 8."

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her

face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the

cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

A man was walking on the sidewalk and noticed up ahead that Little Johnny

was wearing a red fireman's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that

the wagon was being pulled slowly by a large Labrador Retriever. When he got

closer to the lad, he noticed that Johnny had a rope tied around the dog's

testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly.

Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, "That's really a nice fire engine you

have there son. But I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that

rope around his neck."

"Yeah," Johnny replied, "But then I wouldn't have a siren."

It seems little farm boy Johnny accidentally overturned his wagon load of

corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Johnny!!" the farmer

yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the

wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you, " Johnny answered, "But I don't think daddy

would like me to."

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But daddy won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Johnny thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now,

but I know daddy is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is

he?"

"Under the wagon."

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He

noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely,

goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..."

"What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked.

"Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for

God is good. But I'm not sure I'd like Shirley following me around all the

time."

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister

right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family.

"Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the

dust."

"That's right, Johnny, I did."

"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust."

"Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?"

"Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed

'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"

Sid's Blog

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

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Airplane Pilot

QUOTES FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS

Little Johnny Jokes

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