Wednesday, February 8, 2012

XP REPAIR INSTALL

XP REPAIR INSTALL
1. Boot the computer using the XP CD. You may need to change the
boot order in the system BIOS. Check your system documentation
for steps to access the BIOS and change the boot order.
2. When you see the "Welcome To Setup" screen, you will see the
options below This portion of the Setup program prepares Microsoft
Windows XP to run on your computer:

To setup Windows XP now, press ENTER.

To repair a Windows XP installation using Recovery Console, press R.

To quit Setup without installing Windows XP, press F3.
3. Press Enter to start the Windows Setup.

do not choose "To repair a Windows XP installation using the
Recovery Console, press R", (you do not want to load Recovery
Console). I repeat, do not choose "To repair a Windows XP
installation using the Recovery Console, press R".

4. Accept the License Agreement and Windows will search for existing
Windows installations.

5. Select the XP installation you want to repair from the list and
press R to start the repair. If Repair is not one of the options,
read this Warning!!

6. Setup will copy the necessary files to the hard drive and reboot.
Do not press any key to boot from CD when the message appears.
Setup will continue as if it were doing a clean install, but your
applications and settings will remain intact.
Blaster worm warning: Do not immediately activate over the internet
when asked, enable the XP firewall
[ http://support.microsoft.com/?kbid=283673 ]
before connecting to the internet. You can activate after the
firewall is enabled. Control Panel - Network Connections. Right click
the connection you use, Properties, and there is a check box on the
Advanced [ http://michaelstevenstech.com/xpfirewall1.jpg ] page.


7. Reapply updates or service packs applied since initial Windows XP
installation. Please note that a Repair Install from the Original
install XP CD will remove SP1/SP2 and service packs will need to be
reapplied.
Service Pack 2
http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/details.aspx?FamilyId=049C9DBE-3B8E-
4F30-8245-9E368D3CDB5A&displaylang=en
An option I highly recommend is creating a Slipstreamed XP CD with SP2.
Slipstreaming Windows XP with Service Pack 2 (SP2)
http://www.winsupersite.com/showcase/windowsxp_sp2_slipstream.asp
______________________________________________________________________
Warning!!
If the option to Repair Install is not available and you continue
with the install;you will delete your Windows folder and Documents
and Settings folder. All applications that place keys in the registry
will need to be re-installed. You should exit setup if the repair
option is not available and consider other options.

Try the link below if the repair option is not available.
Windows XP Crashed?
http://www.digitalwebcast.com/2002/03_mar/tutorials/cw_boot_toot.htm
Here's Help.
A salvage mission into the depths of Windows XP, explained by a
non-geek

by Charlie White
http://www.digitalwebcast.com/2002/03_mar/tutorials/cw_boot_toot.htm

Related links
You May Lose Data or Program Settings After Reinstalling, Repairing,
or Upgrading Windows XP (Q312369)
http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=kb;en-us;Q312369

System Restore "Restore Points" Are Missing or Deleted (Q301224)
http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=kb;en-us;Q301224

How to Perform an In-Place Upgrade (Reinstallation) of Windows XP
(Q315341)
http://support.microsoft.com/search/preview.aspx?scid=kb;en-us;Q315341
Warning!! If the Repair Option is not Available
What should I do? Most important do not ignore the information below!

If the option to Repair Install is NOT available and you continue
with the install; you will delete your Windows folder, Documents and
Settings folders. All Applications that place keys in the registry
will need to be re-installed.

You should exit setup if the repair option is not available and
consider other options. I have found if the Repair option is not
available, XP is usually not repairable and will require a Clean
install.http://michaelstevenstech.com/cleanxpinstall.html
If you still have the ability to access the Windows XP installation,
backup all important files not restorable from other sources before
attempting any recovery console trouble shooting attempts.
Possible Fix by reconfiguring boot.ini using Recovery Console.
1.Boot with XP CD or 6 floppy boot disk set.
2. Press R to load the Recovery Console.
3. Type bootcfg.
4. This should fix any boot.ini errors causing setup not to see the
XP OS install.
5. Try the repair install.

One more suggestion from MVP Alex Nichol

"Reboot, this time taking the immediate R option, and if the CD
letter is say K: give these commands

COPY K:\i386\ntldr C:\
COPY K:\i386\ntdetect.com C:\


(two other files needed - just in case)

1. Type: ATTRIB -H -R -S C:\boot.ini DEL C:\boot.ini

2. Type: BootCfg /Rebuild

which will get rid of any damaged boot.ini, search the disk for
systems and make a new one. This might even result in a damaged
windows reappearing; but gives another chance of getting at the
repair"

Feedback on success or failure of the above fixes would be greatly
appreciated.



Feedback on success or failure of the above fix would be greatly
appreciated.
xpnews@michaelstevenstech.com


Michael Stevens MS-MVP XP
Publishing of this document without permission of the author is
forbidden.
4-29-2003
Revised 11-05-2004

Win XP Tweaks

Win XP Tweaks

-----------
STARTUP
-----------


Windows Prefetcher
******************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ Session Manager \ Memory Management \ PrefetchParameters]

Under this key there is a setting called EnablePrefetcher, the default setting of which is 3. Increasing this number to 5 gives the prefetcher system more system resources to prefetch application data for faster load times. Depending on the number of boot processes you run on your computer, you may get benefits from settings up to 9. However, I do not have any substantive research data on settings above 5 so I cannot verify the benefits of a higher setting. This setting also may effect the loading times of your most frequently launched applications. This setting will not take effect until after you reboot your system.


Master File Table Zone Reservation
**********************************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ FileSystem]

Under this key there is a setting called NtfsMftZoneReservation, the default setting of which is 1. The range of this value is from 1 to 4. The default setting reserves one-eighth of the volume for the MFT. A setting of 2 reserves one-quarter of the volume for the MFT. A setting of 3 for NtfsMftZoneReservation reserves three-eighths of the volume for the MFT and setting it to 4 reserves half of the volume for the MFT. Most users will never exceed one-quarter of the volume. I recommend a setting of 2 for most users. This allows for a "moderate number of files" commensurate with the number of small files included in most computer games and applications. Reboot after applying this tweak.


Optimize Boot Files
*******************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Dfrg \ BootOptimizeFunction]

Under this key is a text value named Enable. A value of Y for this setting enables the boot files defragmenter. This setting defragments the boot files and may move the boot files to the beginning (fastest) part of the partition, but that last statement is unverified. Reboot after applying this tweak.

Optimizing Startup Programs [msconfig]
**************************************

MSConfig, similar to the application included in Win9x of the same name, allows the user to fine tune the applications that are launched at startup without forcing the user to delve deep into the registry. To disable some of the applications launched, load msconfig.exe from the run command line, and go to the Startup tab. From there, un-ticking the checkbox next to a startup item will stop it from launching. There are a few application that you will never want to disable (ctfmon comes to mind), but for the most part the best settings vary greatly from system to system.

As a good rule of thumb, though, it is unlikely that you will want to disable anything in the Windows directory (unless it's a third-party program that was incorrectly installed into the Windows directory), nor will you want to disable anything directly relating to your system hardware. The only exception to this is when you are dealing with software, which does not give you any added benefits (some OEM dealers load your system up with software you do not need). The nice part of msconfig is that it does not delete any of the settings, it simply disables them, and so you can go back and restart a startup application if you find that you need it. This optimization won't take effect until after a reboot.

Bootvis Application
*******************
The program was designed by Microsoft to enable Windows XP to cold boot in 30 seconds, return from hibernation in 20 seconds, and return from standby in 10 seconds. Bootvis has two extremely useful features. First, it can be used to optimize the boot process on your computer automatically. Second, it can be used to analyze the boot process for specific subsystems that are having difficulty loading. The first process specifically targets the prefetching subsystem, as well as the layout of boot files on the disk. When both of these systems are optimized, it can result in a significant reduction in the time it takes for the computer to boot.

Before attempting to use Bootvis to analyze or optimize the boot performance of your system, make sure that the task scheduler service has been enabled – the program requires the service to run properly. Also, close all open programs as well – using the software requires a reboot.

To use the software to optimize your system startup, first start with a full analysis of a fresh boot. Start Bootvis, go to the Tools menu, and select next boot. Set the Trace Repetition Settings to 2 repetitions, Start at 1, and Reboot automatically. Then set the trace into motion. The system will fully reboot twice, and then reopen bootvis and open the second trace file (should have _2 in the name). Analyze the graphs and make any changes that you think are necessary (this is a great tool for determining which startup programs you want to kill using msconfig). Once you have made your optimizations go to the Trace menu, and select the Optimize System item. This will cause the system to reboot and will then make some changes to the file structure on the hard drive (this includes a defragmentation of boot files and a shifting of their location to the fastest portion of the hard disk, as well as some other optimizations). After this is done, once again run a Trace analysis as above, except change the starting number to 3. Once the system has rebooted both times, compare the charts from the second trace to the charts for the fourth trace to show you the time improvement of the system's boot up.

The standard defragmenter included with Windows XP will not undo the boot optimizations performed by this application.



-----------------------------------
General Performance Tweaks
-----------------------------------


IRQ Priority Tweak
******************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ System \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ PriorityControl]

You will need to create a new DWORD: IRQ#Priority (where # is the number of the IRQ you want to prioritize) and give it a setting of 1. This setting gives the requisite IRQ channel priority over the other IRQs on a software level. This can be extremely important for functions and hardware subsystems that need real-time access to other parts of the system. There are several different subsystems that might benefit from this tweak. Generally, I recommend giving either the System CMOS or the video card priority. The System CMOS generally has an IRQ setting of 8, and giving it priority enhances the I/O performance of the system. Giving priority to the video card can increase frame rates and make AGP more effective.

You can give several IRQs priority, but I am not entirely certain how the system interacts when several IRQs are given priority – it may cause random instabilities in the system, although it is more likely that there's a parsing system built into Windows XP to handle such an occurrence. Either way, I would not recommend it.

QoS tweak
*********
QoS (Quality of Service) is a networking subsystem which is supposed to insure that the network runs properly. The problem with the system is that it eats up 20% of the total bandwidth of any networking service on the computer (including your internet connection). If you are running XP Professional, you can disable the bandwidth quota reserved for the system using the Group Policy Editor [gpedit.msc].

You can run the group policy editor from the Run command line. To find the setting, expand "Local Computer Policy" and go to "Administrative Templates" under "Computer Configuration." Then find the "Network" branch and select "QoS Packet Scheduler." In the right hand box, double click on the "Limit Reservable Bandwidth." From within the Settings tab, enable the setting and then go into the "Bandwidth Limit %" and set it to 0%. The reason for this is that if you disable this setting, the computer defaults to 20%. This is true even when you aren't using QoS.

Free Idle Tasks Tweak
*********************

This tweak will free up processing time from any idle processes and allow it to be used by the foreground application. It is useful particularly if you are running a game or other 3D application. Create a new shortcut to "Rundll32.exe advapi32.dll,ProcessIdleTasks" and place it on your desktop. Double-click on it anytime you need all of your processing power, before opening the application.

Windows Indexing Services
Windows Indexing Services creates a searchable database that makes system searches for words and files progress much faster – however, it takes an enormous amount of hard drive space as well as a significant amount of extra CPU cycles to maintain the system. Most users will want to disable this service to release the resources for use by the system. To turn off indexing, open My Computer and right click on the drive on which you wish to disable the Indexing Service. Enter the drive's properties and under the general tab, untick the box for "Allow the Indexing Service to index this disk for fast file searching."

Priority Tweak
**************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ PriorityControl]

This setting effectively runs each instance of an application in its own process for significantly faster application performance and greater stability. This is extremely useful for users with stability problems, as it can isolate specific instances of a program so as not to bring down the entire application. And, it is particularly useful for users of Internet Explorer, for if a rogue web page crashes your browser window, it does not bring the other browser windows down with it. It has a similar effect on any software package where multiple instances might be running at once, such as Microsoft Word. The only problem is that this takes up significantly more memory, because such instances of a program cannot share information that is in active memory (many DLLs and such will have to be loaded into memory multiple times). Because of this, it is not recommended for anyone with less than 512 MB of RAM, unless they are running beta software (or have some other reason for needing the added stability).

There are two parts to this tweak. First is to optimize XP's priority control for the processes. Browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ PriorityControl and set the "Win32PrioritySeparation" DWORD to 38. Next, go into My Computer and under Tools, open the Folder Options menu. Select the View tab and check the "Launch folder windows in separate process" box. This setting actually forces each window into its own memory tread and gives it a separate process priority.

Powertweak application
**********************
xxx.powertweak.com

Powertweak is an application, which acts much like a driver for our chipsets. It optimizes the communication between the chipset and the CPU, and unlocks several "hidden" features of the chipset that can increase the speed of the system. Specifically, it tweaks the internal registers of the chipset and processor that the BIOS does not for better communication performance between subsystems. Supported CPUs and chipsets can see a significant increase in I/O bandwidth, increasing the speed of the entire system. Currently the application supports most popular CPUs and chipsets, although you will need to check the website for your specific processor/chipset combo – the programmer is working on integrating even more chipsets and CPUs into the software.

Offload Network Task Processing onto the Network Card
*****************************************************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Services \ Tcpip \ Parameters]

Many newer network cards have the ability of taking some of the network processing load off of the processor and performing it right on the card (much like Hardware T&L on most new video cards). This can significantly lower the CPU processes needed to maintain a network connection, freeing up that processor time for other tasks. This does not work on all cards, and it can cause network connectivity problems on systems where the service is enabled but unsupported, so please check with your NIC manufacturer prior to enabling this tweak. Find the DWORD "DisableTaskOffload" and set the value to 0 (the default value is 1). If the key is not already available, create it.

Force XP to Unload DLLs
***********************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer]
"AlwaysUnloadDLL"=dword:00000001

XP has a bad habit of keeping dynamic link libraries that are no longer in use resident in memory. Not only do the DLLs use up precious memory space, but they also tend to cause stability problems in some systems. To force XP to unload any DLLs in memory when the application that called them is no longer in memory, browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer and find the DWORD "AlwaysUnloadDLL". You may need to create this key. Set the value to 1 to force the operating system to unload DLLs.

Give 16-bit apps their own separate processes
*********************************************
[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ WOW]
"DefaultSeparateVDM"="Yes"

By default, Windows XP will only open one 16-bit process and cram all 16-bit apps running on the system at a given time into that process. This simulates how MS-DOS based systems viewed systems and is necessary for some older applications that run together and share resources. However, most 16-bit applications work perfectly well by themselves and would benefit from the added performance and stability of their own dedicated resources. To force Windows XP to give each 16-bit application it's own resources, browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SYSTEM \ CurrentControlSet \ Control \ WOW and find the String "DefaultSeparateVDM". If it is not there, you may need to create it. Set the value of this to Yes to give each 16-bit application its own process, and No to have the 16-bit application all run in the same memory space.

Disable User Tracking
*********************
[HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Policies \ Explorer]
"NoInstrumentation"=dword:00000001

The user tracking system built into Windows XP is useless to 99% of users (there are very few uses for the information collected other than for a very nosy system admin), and it uses up precious resources to boot, so it makes sense to disable this "feature" of Windows XP. To do so, browse to HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Policies \ Explorer and find the DWORD "NoInstrumentation". You may need to create this key if it is not there. The default setting is 0, but setting it to 1 will disable most of the user tracking features of the system.

Thumbnail Cache
***************
[HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer \ Advanced]
"DisableThumbnailCache"=dword:00000001

Windows XP has a neat feature for graphic and video files that creates a "thumbnail" of the image or first frame of the video and makes it into an oversized icon for the file. There are two ways that Explorer can do this, it can create them fresh each time you access the folder or it can load them from a thumbnail cache. The thumbnail caches on systems with a large number of image and video files can become staggeringly large. To disable the Thumbnail Cache, browse to HKEY_CURRENT_USER \ Software \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer \ Advanced and find the DWORD "DisableThumbnailCache". You may need to create this key. A setting of 1 is recommended for systems where the number of graphic and video files is large, and a setting of 0 is recommended for systems not concerned about hard drive space, as loading the files from the cache is significantly quicker than creating them from scratch each time a folder is accessed.

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96
Java language reference
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

97
Java security
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

98
Java servlet programming
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

99
Java unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

100
Java unleashed
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

101
Java, 2nd.ed.
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

102
_JavaScript : the definitive guide
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

103
_Javascript manual of style
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

104
_Javascript manual of style
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

105
Josh's GNU Linux Guide/Joshua
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/linux/Administration/Josh's_GNU_Linux_Guide/

106
Late night activex
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

107
Late night activeX
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

108
Laura lemay's 3D graphics in and VRML 2
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

109
Laura lemay's activex and _VBScript
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

110
Laura lemay's graphics and web page design
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

111
Laura lemay's guide to sizzling websites design
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

112
Laura lemay's _javascript 1.1
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

113
Laura lemay's web workshop activex and _VBScript
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

114
Laura lemay's web workshop Graphics web page design
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

115
Laura lemay's web workshop _javascript
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

116
Learning perl
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

117
Learning perl on win32
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

118
Learning the kornshell
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

119
Learning unix
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

120
Learning vi
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

121
Linux from Scratch/Beekmans, Gerard
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/linux/Administration/Linux_From_Scratch/

122
Linux in a nutshell, 3rd.ed.
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

123
Linux kernel/Rusling, David
www.oopweb.com

124
Linux network administrator's guide/Dawson, Terry
www.oopweb.com

125
Linux system administrator's survival guide
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

126
MAPI, SAPI and TAPI developer's guide
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

127
Mastering access 95 development
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

128
Microsoft access 97 quick reference
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

129
Microsoft access 97 quick reference
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

130
Microsoft backoffice 2 unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

131
Microsoft excel 97 quick reference
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

132
Microsoft excel 97 quick reference
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

133
Microsoft exchange server survival guide
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

134
Microsoft frontpage unleashed
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

135
Microsoft word 97 quick reference
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

136
Microsoft word 97 quick reference
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

137
Microsoft works 4.5 6-In-1
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

138
More than 100 full-text e-books
http://www.allfreetech.com/EBookCategory.asp

139
Ms backoffice administrator's survival guide
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

140
Ms backoffice unleashed
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

141
Mysql and msql
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

142
Netscape plug-ins developer's kit
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

143
Official gamelan java directory
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

144
Oracle built-in packages
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

145
Oracle PL/SQL built-in pocket reference
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

146
Oracle PL/SQL language pocket reference
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

147
Oracle PL/SQL programming guide to Oracle 8 features
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

148
Oracle PL/SQL programming, 2nd.ed.
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

149
Oracle unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

150
Oracle unleashed
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

151
Oracle web applications PL/SQL developer's introduction
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

152
Patterns of enterprise application architecture/Fowler, Martin
http://www.awprofessional.com/catalog/product.asp?product_id={574D77DF-6ED2-BC5-A6A8-02E59CA7482D}

153
PC week : the intranet advantage
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

154
Perl 5 by example
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

155
Perl 5 quick reference
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

156
Perl 5 unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

157
Perl 5.0 CGI web pages
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

158
Perl cookbook
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

159
Perl for system administration
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

160
Perl in a nutshell
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

161
Perl quick reference
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

162
Peter norton's complete guide to windows NT 4 workstations
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

163
Presenting activex
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

164
Presenting activex
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

165
Presenting javabeans
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

166
Presenting javabeans
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

167
Programming perl
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

168
Programming perl, 3rd.ed.
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

169
Programming the Perl DBI
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

170
Red hat linux unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

171
Running a perfect intranet
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

172
Running Linux, 3rd.ed.
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

173
Sams teach yourself java 1.1 in 24 hours/
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Java_1.1_Programming_in_24_Hours

174
Sams Teach yourself java in 21 days/Lemay, Laura
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Java_in_21_Days/

175
Sams teach yourself linux in 24 hours/Ball, Bill
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Linux_in_24%20Hours/

176
Sams teach yourself shell programming in 24 hours
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_Shell_Programming_in_24_Hours/

177
Sams teach yourself TCP/IP in 14 days
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/sams/Sams_Teach_Yourself_TCP-IP_in_14_Days(SE)/

178
Sed and awk
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

179
Sendmail
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

180
Sendmail desktop reference
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

181
Slackware linux unleashed
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

182
Special edition using java, 2nd.ed.
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

183
Special edition using _javascript
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

184
Special edition using _javascript
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

185
Special edition using _Jscript
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

186
Special edition using lotus notes and domino 4.5
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

187
Special edition using Microsoft SQL server 6.5, 2nd.ed.
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

188
Special edition using Microsoft visual Interdev
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

189
Special edition using perl 5 for web programming
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

190
Special edition using perl for web programming
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

191
Special edition using Visual Basic 4
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

192
TCP/IP
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

193
Teach yourself activex programming in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

194
Teach yourself C++ in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

195
Teach yourself C++ in 21 days
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

196
Teach yourself CGI programming with Perl 5 in a week
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

197
Teach yourself database programming with VB5 in 21 days, 2nd.ed.
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

198
Teach yourself database programming with visual basic 5 in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

199
Teach yourself HTML 3.2 in 24 hours
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

200
Teach yourself HTML 3.2 in 24 hours
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

201
Teach yourself internet game programming with java in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

202
Teach yourself java 1.1 programming in 24 hours
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

203
Teach yourself jave in café in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.tm

204
Teach yourself Microsoft visual Interdev in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

205
Teach yourself Microsoft visual Interdev in 21 days
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

206
Teach yourself oracle 8 in 21 days
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

207
Teach yourself perl 5 in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

208
Teach yourself perl 5 in 21 days, 2nd.ed.
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

209
Teach yourself SQL in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

210
Teach yourself SQL in 21 days, 2nd.ed.
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

211
Teach yourself TCP/IP in 14 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

212
Teach yourself TCP/IP in 14 days, 2nd.ed.
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

213
Teach yourself the Internet in 24 hours
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

214
Teach yourself the internet in 24 hours
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

215
Teach yourself _VBScript in 21 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

216
Teach yourself _VBScript in 21 days
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

217
Teach yourself visual basic 5 in 24 hours
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

218
Teach yourself Visual Basic 5 in 24 hours
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

219
Teach yourself Visual J++ in 21 days
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

220
Teach yourself web publishing with HTML 3.2 in 14 days
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

221
Teach yourself web publishing with HTML in 14 days
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

222
Thinking in C++
http://www.mindview.net/Books

223
Thinking in C++/Eckel, Bruce - Vol.I, 2nd.ed.
www.oopweb.com

224
Thinking in C++/Eckel, Bruce - Vol.II, 2nd.ed.
www.oopweb.com

225
Thinking in Enterprise Java
http://www.mindview.net/Books

226
Thinking in Java, 2nd.ed.
www.oopweb.com

227
Thinking in Java, 3rd.ed. (pdf)
http://www.mindview.net/Books

228
Tricks of the internet gurus
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

229
Tricks of the java programming gurus
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

230
Unix and internet security
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

231
Unix hints and hacks/Waingrow, Kirk
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Hints_&_Hacks/19270001..htm

232
Unix in a nutshell
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

233
Unix kornshell quick reference
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/shell/Unix_KornShell_Quick_Reference/kornShell.html

234
Unix power tools
http://www.hk8.org/old_web/

235
Unix shell guide
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/shell/The_UNIX_Shell_Guide/

236
Unix unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

237
Unix unleashed
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

238
Unix unleashed Internet Ed./Burk, Robin
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Unleashed(Internet_Edition)/fm.htm

239
Unix unleashed, System administrator's Edition
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Unleashed_System_Administrator's_Edition/toc.htm

240
Unix Unleashed/Sams Publication
http://book.onairweb.net/computer/os/unix/Administration/UNIX_Unleashed/

241
Upgrading PCs illustrated
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

242
Using windows NT workstation 4.0
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

243
_VBScript unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

244
_Vbscript unleashed
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

245
Visual basic 4 in 12 easy lessons
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

246
Visual basic 4 unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

247
Visual Basic 5 night school
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

248
Visual basic programming in 12 easy lessons
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

249
Visual Basic programming in 12 easy lessons
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

250
Visual C++ 4 unleashed
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

251
Visual C++ programming in 12 easy lessons
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

252
Web database developer's guide with visual basic 5
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

253
Web database developer's guide with visual basic 5
http://www.emu.edu.tr/english/facilitiesservices/computercenter/bookslib/

254
Web programming desktop reference 6-in-1
http://www.parsian.net/set1252/pages/books.htm

Airplane Pilot

Airplane Pilot

A plane takes off from New York's Kennedy Airport. After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.

'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293,' he says. 'The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and - OH MY GOD!'

The intercom falls silent.

A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom. 'I'm so sorry for scaring you all earlier,' he says.

'But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

'That's nothing,' a passenger in coach shouted. 'You should see the back of mine!'

QUOTES FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS

QUOTES FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS


1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock
bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but
more of a definitely won't be.
4. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
like a rat in a trap.
6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to
change whichever foot was previously in there.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot.
9. This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts,
the better.

Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny Jokes


"I'm afraid I'll never see you in heaven, Johnny," the Sunday School teacher
said to her most mischievous child.
"Why," questioned Johnny, "What have you been doing wrong?"
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about
things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked
his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up
with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, "So why do you have
so much hair?"
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
"I'm ashamed of you," Little Johnny's mother said. "Fighting with your best
friend is a terrible thing to do."
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."
"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."
"What good would that have done?" Little Johnny replied, "My aim is much
better than yours."
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please
do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "At least you could try."
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to
go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "Because people are sleeping!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. And on this day, the teacher
asked the class where they thought God lived. One little girl raised her
hand, and the teacher called upon her. "I think God lives in the sky,
because that is where heaven is." the girl replied. "That's good!" said the
teacher.
Another little boy raised his hand, and the teacher called on him. "And
where do you think God lives?" she asked. Very piously, the boy answered
"God lives in each of our hearts!"
"That's VERY good," she smiled.
When she asked a third time, Little Johnny was the only one who raised his
hand. Quietly dreading his answer, the teacher asked, "And where do you
think God lives, Johnny?" "In the bathroom." he said. "In the bathroom?" she
asked, puzzled yet unable to stop herself.
"Yes, because every morning my father beats on the bathroom door and screams
'GOD, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?' "
One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home
and think of a story and then infer the moral of that story. The following
day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Johnny comes home from his first day at school. His mother asks,
"Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

As most young and weak kids are, Little Johnny was picked on constantly by
the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, they beat him up and just
downright made his life miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a
way to get back at these bullies and when he found out what would get them
back, he went all out.
He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought
out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then,
making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds
and started popping them in his mouth as obvious to the rest of the kids as
possible making yum yum noises.
The bully without asking snatched the jar from Little Johnny's hand and
asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?"
"Well, they're smart pills."
"Smart pills?" the bully asked. Then opened the jar and popped a couple of
the foreign brown balls in his mouth. "Pweeuuweppblahhh!!" he reacted. "What
is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit poop!!"
"See, you're getting smarter already."
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something
exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the
little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a
time.
She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could
be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came...Little Johnny walked up to
the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on
the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out
what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked
him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said Johnny, "But this morning, my sister said she
missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door
shot himself."
The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the
animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'"
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and
saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Again, that was good, Sally, but I wanted the word
'fascinate.'"
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was
noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could
vulgarize the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny stood by the side of his desk and said with a smile, "My sister has a
sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big, she can only fasten 8."
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her
face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the
cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
A man was walking on the sidewalk and noticed up ahead that Little Johnny
was wearing a red fireman's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that
the wagon was being pulled slowly by a large Labrador Retriever. When he got
closer to the lad, he noticed that Johnny had a rope tied around the dog's
testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly.
Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, "That's really a nice fire engine you
have there son. But I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that
rope around his neck."
"Yeah," Johnny replied, "But then I wouldn't have a siren."
It seems little farm boy Johnny accidentally overturned his wagon load of
corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Johnny!!" the farmer
yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the
wagon up."
"That's mighty nice of you, " Johnny answered, "But I don't think daddy
would like me to."
"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But daddy won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Johnny thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now,
but I know daddy is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is
he?"
"Under the wagon."

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He
noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely,
goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..."
"What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked.
"Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for
God is good. But I'm not sure I'd like Shirley following me around all the
time."
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister
right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family.
"Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the
dust."
"That's right, Johnny, I did."
"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust."
"Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?"
"Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed
'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"

Funny comics 1

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